Known Unknowns by 818181
TW: mentions of s**cide
So, it's been some time since I've returned to being active in the scene, and I wanted to share the reasons for my absence. I've always been pretty open about my mental health struggles, and most people can probably surmise that that is part of the reason why I disappeared. The truth is, I was recently diagnosed with bipolar 2, which has been unchecked for many years. A lot of my activity in this scene was the product of mania, but on the other side of that coin is deep, intense depression.
During the weeks leading up to me shutting down the label, I was experiencing a severe depressive episode. I had made the decision to take my own life, and I did not want to leave any loose ends or make it seem like I was trying to scam any egoscapes customers or artists. So, I figured shutting down the label was the best course of action. Thankfully I did not act on these thoughts past this, but the depression did not go away.
Weeks went by with no improvement, and the thoughts only got worse and worse. I was isolating from everyone except for a couple trusted people. On a particularly bad night, I decided to open up to my new therapist about what I was feeling, and she made the decision to contact the authorities. This led to my hospitalization, which saved my life.
I received my new diagnosis while hospitalized, and discovered the intense suicidal thoughts were due to one of my medications I was taking. With my meds now adjusted, I have been feeling more stable than ever before, and I am so thankful. After receiving this help, I was able to slowly break my silence and return to activity in this community that I love so much. I am also now in a group therapy program that I attend five days a week.
egoscapes is still on hiatus for the time being, but I am slowly starting work on a return some time this year. Things will be very different, as I will be approaching it from a much healthier place. Until then, I plan to remain active and slowly return to the level of involvement I was at before. I am thankful for everyone for being so understanding, as I was welcomed back with open arms and was always treated with the utmost patience while I was struggling.
I share all this because I think you all deserve to know what happened, and also for anybody who may be struggling similarly. Help is out there, and you are not alone. Life really can be worth living. For some of us, we just need the proper help. With therapy, and medication, I believe it is possible to cultivate a life that you want to live. This is coming from someone who has spent over a decade in the depths of despair. There is hope, and you are worthy.
Thanks to everyone who made it this far. This sample free track was the first thing I made after getting out of the hospital, and I hope you like it.
Love,
Astrid
Full-time slushwave artist/priestess 💀🌷🌙🌈🖤💧⛈️❄️
egoscapes founder 👁️