feel real by Alecia Renece

I've been struggling with depression and hopelessness for the past week and a half.

I said farewell to my Grandmommy and contracted COVID afterwards.

Though I've recovered, for the most part, the worst symptom is mental.

For some reason I didn't feel "real" for a while after getting sick.

It feels like there is a screen between me and the real world, I feel like I'm not really real... That somewhere I got sucked into a first person VR video game that I can't take off...

It's wild.

It triggered my depression again... And I hate being here. But I'm here.

To help me feel "normal again", I sing. I try to make things to ground myself, to not feel like I'm gonna float away... To remind myself that I am Alecia. I am here. I am me.

I'm really trying. I'm trying so hard. Mental health issues are rough and you can gaslight yourself into thinking that you should just be able to wake yourself up out of that.

I made this loop as a grounding exercise, as a prayer, as a reminder.

I am here. I may not recognize the world around me, but I'm here.

I'm here.

Hi! I'm Alecia and I make beautiful things with my feelings.

aleciarenece.com