Disconnected from Cave by Avenue

My life at home was shattered in two, something I wish I could undo because I struggled to make do. See my step dad was diagnosed with liver disease and needed a transplant.
They said he had 5 years, they said they’d try there hardest to replace his damaged organ but this was easier said than done. He was 55 with the rarest blood type, he never drank he wasn’t the type.
At first I pretended like it never bothered me or that it wasn’t happening. We never got along much because of my lazy, manipulative ways while his health was stable. I distracted myself with games because of the sense of control it gave me, I distracted myself with the “cool kids” in my grade for a temporary relief I got when it felt like I fit in. His health started to deteriorate and just like any coward, I avoided the situation, just like any coward I avoided my home. I started consuming any substance to numb my imaginary pain while my family needed me more than ever. I regretted all of the above
Pretend. Distract. Avoid. Consume. Regret.
He would get gondus, his yellow skin looking flawless, we always had to be cautious and this shook any faith I had with God’s promise. My stomach was sick but he was the one throwing up blood, I’m under my blankets but I still hear mom sobbing, I still hear mom sobbing. It’s been a year since they replaced his liver, but just like any coward I just push the blame, just like any coward I still feel the same.
Pretend. Distract. Avoid. Consume. Regret.

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