Grayscale Dreams from Sutured Self by deerxing

in retrospect, i've gleaned
you were exactly how you seemed
but i ignored a lot of things.
the times you were inviting me
betrayed an inconsistency.
i'd consciously adjust -- deliberately trust
and write it off as structuring your days
around disruptive things i knew
and couldn't envy.

and i find
when i waste time
i try to convince myself it was worthwhile
but i find
with you and i
that i was a waste of your time
and you were a waste of mine

and in those little grayscale dreams
at the tail-ends of sleep
i maybe kick your ass or kiss your face
but since i'm half-awake in them
i guess that i should take
a little credit for their taking place
and deeper down, i've dreamt
that there's a section of Arendt
with all these easy-to-parse diagrams
and it makes sense that you'd recommend
a book i only comprehend in dreams
'cause you're impossible to understand

and i find
when i waste time
i try to convince myself it was worthwhile
but i find
with you and i
that i was a waste of your time
and you were a waste of mine

and they call costly vices 'finer things'
and you have yours: whiskey and infidelity
i think i'll stick with trust and trading cards
but i've had my fill of complacency

and i find
when i waste time
i try to convince myself it was worthwhile
but i find
with you and i
that i was a waste of your time
and you were a waste of mine
when i wrote 'How Many Times',
i was blind to what i would know
in two weeks' time.
so i fear, with you, my dear,
that you were a waste of my year.

• Alternative
• Electronic
• Experimental
• independent
• Columbus