Pink Noise by Natalie Holmes
The only song about my insomnia I managed to complete. Pink Noise attempts to encapsulate the feeling of total incomprehension at where my mind took me in these times. A temporary but intensely strong anxiety, discomfort and feeling of uselessness that lasts only until the next good sleep, but when will that be? The simplest tasks are suddenly mountains, your brain is telling you that you need saving and comforting, even if yesterday you were embracing independence with joy. I ended up not only writing, but recording and producing the track whilst very much in these strange places in my mind and body, and simply resigned myself to embracing them if the track was about it anyway. As a vocalist it’s hard to accept a take that is physically weak when you know you can do better, but also shouldn’t every performance be valid in its moment just as every fall in life is an equal part of your journey? This is what I tell myself as I release this track, that in all the struggle it took to make it, it holds so much reality and emotion that only makes the original meaning run deeper.
Tracklist
| 1. | Pink Noise | 2:54 |
Lyrics
Literally lost when I don’t sleep
I go to places inside my mind that I’ve never seen and I don’t recognise
Even the leaves on the trees are
Falling into the sky
Why
Tell me why am I here
How the hell do I leave
Cos the pink noise is too much for me
Go back to where silence is actually silent and it doesn’t scare me to breathe
Back to where talkings as easy as walking
& I can see further than 3 feet in front of me
Back to where silence is actually silent
1, made me forget that I’m good that I’m me that I deserve everything he didn’t give that I need
2, a year on from then, heartbreak delayed and I’m amazed we gave up on that
3, just threw me aside as soon as he lured me in
Go back to where silence is actually silent and it doesn’t scare me to breathe
Back to unwinding the knots in the cables and I actually being able...
Oooh
Back to where silence is actually silent
I can feel the floor start to shake
When I’ve been awake when I’ve been awake Im
on the brink and oh my the noise is 3 million shades of white to pink
I try to dance, oh I try to dance but lose my balance before I can blink oh
Tell me why am I here, how the hell do I leave
Cos the pink noise is too much for me.
Try to run from the place i involuntarily chase when the back of my mind faces forwards and I’m told I need someone else to make it ok.
Credits
Written & performed by Natalie Holmes
Co-produced by Patrick Phillips & Natalie Holmes
Mastered by ortoPilot
Artwork by Natalie Holmes & Rob Potter
