hell from endorphin by permafriday

Hell for me is being sober;
the emptiness I run from catches up as I grow older
memories fade and slip through the cracks
please god make it stop, before I get attached
Hell for me is being lonely;
I'm supposed to love you, but I'm still learning to love me.
I push away cause I know this life is temporary
However, now always, and forever we're still eternity
but fruits that grow will grow old; trampled, buried, forgotten
The intent was to plant the seed
but I guess the soil's rotten
with blindness and greed
Cherish nightmares, insomnia cuts deep
when my only escape is sleep
Your fears hide in the dark, mine roam in broad day
In my head, intrusive, elusive, and they'll stay
locked up, key tossed, repressed, till my dying day
body young, but mind gray
It's better than fading to black
Train still chugging along
but it's on the wrong track
pleasure ain't worth the entry fee
if I gotta be this numb to feel so free
I guess then just let me bleed out
Muster up every last breath and sweat my last bead out
this is what it's all about
Touching one life's better than rocking shows that are sold out
Stop a minute and talk to a stranger if they seem bummed out
do a homeless guy a favor and buy 'em take-out
I'm still stuck wishing our politicians valued morals over wealth
Or that we'd spend less money on military and more on mental health
Or our tax dollars weren't funding schools I could run better myself

Tried [censored] and [censored] for my first time, together
it was alright, but I just pictured it being better
Made my problems vanish, but I can do that a dozen other ways whenever
My only coping mechanism is a trip or a bender
I'm so used to numbing out that I guess that I can't remember
Sleep every other day, been awake since September
I've been running from demons for what feels like forever
Mix concoctions that make gravity flip upside down
Plant my feet on the ceiling staring up at the ground
I can't show you the memory, that's why I wrote these words
The urge I have to purge these demons is my only curse

• Experimental
• dark progressive
• neurosoul
• psychedelic r&b
• recovery wave
• tripsoul
• Washington