Monatophobia from DROWN by Remnants of Suffering

Bottled up and shoved so far down the void
I can hardly tell who I am anymore
Forcing adherence to arbitrary norms
Self betrayal has extinguished the primal flame
Ashes scattered like ghosts they cloak
All attempts at actualization in fear
Dissatisfaction
Ensues
Gutless actions
Born to lose

So disillusioned
And run down
I don’t know what made me fall so low
Degenerated
And forgone
Love is a warzone

Disconnected from the vital bond
Uprooted and left to wither
Endless struggles to reattach
Though belonging is an elusive goal
With my arms stretched out I grasp but it all fades away
Another failed attempt
And the cycle repeats

From solitude to desolation
Proliferating torment
This desperation kills
And through such self absorbed unhappiness
I indulge my burning sorrow
Time runs out
I come
Apart

Being outside is like hiding in plain sight
Withdrawn from society a modern eremite
Wallowing in self pity
Within it I am lost

The walls I built for security
Embody my prison cell now
Tranquility turned to loneliness
And the silence to a scream

Pierce through me
Suffer eternally

Through torment and pain
Deny what has been
Make me whole
Whole

Exasperation
Draining what is left
Infatuation
For all I cannot have

Fallen through the cracks
It’s a bleak perspective
An experience defined by disdain
Jarringly mismatched with my surroundings
I long
For acceptance

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