Only Murders by R-Kwon

Come take a trip to the Upper West Side
Let Lester the Doorman welcome you inside
The Arconia - historical residence no less
Cause nothing stays simple in this apartment complex
In the building- three random strangers
Two old dudes and a coming-of-ager
Their lives become entwined on the elevator
Team up like Power Ranger true crime investigators

Way better than average
There's a murder in the building call Charles Haden-Savage
A misanthrope - some might call him The Jerk
But when a body turns up you know he's putting in work
Bravo for Brazzos steady making that cabbage
Like Nas it was written - turned trife life to lavish
Didn't have the balls to do his own stunts like Jackie
So he hired a double named Sazz Pataki

Now Mabel is able though a bit unstable
At times a cautionary tale - a human Aesop's fable
A modern day Betty Grable - think Anne of Green Gables
When the odds are against her, she's turning the tables
Quick as a whip, sharp as a sable
Dishing like a satellite; plugged in like cable
Maybe it's that Mabel-lean
Shake it up, make it up, mug on mean
Impossible to ignore
Bust a Rhyme - solve a crime - please gimmie some Mora

Oliver Putnum - he follows his gut, son
He marches to the beat of his own damn drum
He's resilient - no, he won't succumb
Over-dramatic - every flop makes him fall-on-his-butt numb
He's better Ned than dead when he calls his Amigos
Always calm and collected like Cool Ranch Doritos
Like Ed Grimley in the waiting room - he's gonna be sick
While interviewing suspects like Jiminy Glick

Ready, able, and willing
To investigate another mysterious killing
And the stories are chilling
After grilling all the suspects, the tea is spilling
And it's getting thrilling
Solve the case…and put away another villain
Can't think of anything more fulfilling
Only bodies, only deaths, Only Murders in the Building

Another murder in the building - oh no
But who in the hell is this guy Tim Kono?
Not well liked - always flying solo
But when he was a no-show they called the po-po
Was it Oscar - the grouch who took him out with a chokehold?
Was it Sting lying to The Police? Roxanne making his nose grow
Was it Bunny getting back at him for breaking the rules?
Was it the Dimas undertakers smuggling family jewels?
How weird is Howard? Was it revenge for his cat?
Cinda Canning protecting her podcast? (Yeah - I could see that)
Was it a fatal attraction with Jan's bassoon?
Duets lead to regrets - a Savage duo in doom

Throw up the murder board - let the team do their thing
Collect the clues, line up the suspects , let the evidence sing
Give Savage, Putnam, Mora time to get the chains linked
Trust the process with the podcast on Only Murders, Inc.

Then Bunny is slain - but who is involved?
The trio's on the case until the murder is solved
Did the evidence implicate the super fan Arconiacs
Running through secret passageways like they were Animaniacs?
Or Alice…the artist of Mabel's dreams?
Whose works involved the re-creation of her crime scenes
Was it Poppy getting sloppy aka Becky Butler?
Was Lucy in danger? (you know Charles used to date her mother)
Was it Krepps setting off glitter bombs - blown up in his face?
Could Oli's Son of Sam card game solve the case?

Ben Glenroy - CoBro - star of the show
Who killed the Death Rattle snake bro like a pro though?
Was it Kimber? Was it Tobert? Did a cast mate push him over?
Down the elevator shaft - let the trio mull it over
Was it Jerry in the theatre portraying a phantom?
Or Loretta pleading guilty protecting Dickie, her son?
Was it Bueller method acting without Charles in Charge?
Savage in the White Room? Gregg the kidnapper at large?
Now Cliff was a Sith and Momma Donna was loco
So Ben was offed just like Zoe, Bunny, and Kono

Don't wanna stroke their egos
But they're the greatest trio since The Three Amigos
They're Survivors - outwit, outplay, outlast
If you need proof tune in to their podcast
And it's getting thrilling
Solve the case…and put away another villain
Can't think of anything more fulfilling
Only bodies, only deaths, Only Murders in the Building

No bull - can't afford to ignore red flags
When you got a stunt double taking bullets like Sazz
They fired once - don't let the killer re-shoot
Like a second take on an Uncle Brazzo's reboot

The West Tower reeks of swine - and not Detective Williams
Ham radios, bathroom pork, and pet pigs from Sicilians
It's Christmas Guy and Nick Fish - an eye patch and a cough
It's Mabel claiming squatter's rights from M. Dudenoff
Oh Hell - did you achieve? I guess you're out of practice
Learn from Eva, Eugene, and Galafianakis
Sign away your life rights - now you're living the dream
As your life story plays out on the silver screen

With Sazz slain - could it be Glen Stubbins?
In the ER with a Spinal Tap like David St. Hubbins?
Or the creepy Brothers' sisters - consumed by power?
Or maybe it was Opie - Director Ron Howard
Hit the Long Island safe house - Sister Savage Doreen
Mean-mugging Loretta to be Oliver's queen
How bout Marshall Pope - aka Rex Bailey
Who kidnapped Mabel and his plan started failing
When he started panicking there was no doubt
So Jan shot Rex and she took him out
Loretta and Oliver got hitched, so of course without fail
They found Lester the Doorman dead as a doornail

Don't wanna stroke their egos
But they're the greatest trio since The Three Amigos
They're Survivors - outplay, outwit, and outlast
If you need proof tune in to their podcast
And it's getting thrilling
Solve the case…and put away another villain
Can't think of anything more fulfilling
Only bodies, only deaths, Only Murders in the Building

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