Nail from Bad Apple by Sam Bayer

As I walk the miles
Of this great land
I've heard you all complaining
And you can go pound sand
You might think you're not ungrateful
But I've already had my plateful
Of your whining ways
And the crap we tolerate these days

If I had a hammer
I'd hammer in the morning
I'd hammer in the evening
The hammering would sound like hail
I'd hammer till my point was made
The scars would never ever fade
If I had a hammer
You'd look like a nail

I'll be a rock, I'll be a pillar
A firm hand at the tiller
The iron glove, the velvet fist
The ruthless clear-eyed pragmatist
A scout for indecision
With moral X-ray vision
The kale and spinach on your plate
Cincinnatus at the gate

It was a simpler time
And all our needs were met
And the status quo
Well, that's the only quo you'd get
Take your liberal agenda
And stamp it "Return to sendah"
With postage due
For all the crap you've put me through

If I had a hammer
I'd hammer every morning
I'd hammer every evening
Cooler heads would not prevail
I'd hammer on the choice you've made
The hammering would never fade
If I had a hammer
You'd look like a nail

If you're the wheel that's squeaking louder
The spider in my chowder
The tab that doesn't fit the slot
The thespian who's lost the plot
The path of some resistance
I'll be the bane of your existence
A show of force to keep you pure
Someday you'll thank me, that's for sure

If I had a hammer
I'd hammer every morning
I'd hammer every evening
The hammering would sound like hail
I'd hammer till the sirens wail
I'd hammer till the hammers fail
If I had a hammer
If I had a hammer
If I had a hammer
You'd look like a nail

• Acoustic
• pop folk singer songwriter
• Boston